Escapril 4: strange behavior

All prompts by @letsescapril on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/letsescapril/?hl=en

TW: emotional abuse, physical abuse, rape

I became used to your easy smiles
I became used to your musical laugh
Your arms sheltered me from the world
In them I felt so safe
How was I supposed to know
That the shelter I needed
Wasn’t you, but from you?
The first time you yelled at me
I thought, “that’s strange behavior.”
But I didn’t even blink
Even as dread curled up in my chest
I apologized when I wasn’t sorry
And only after you laid down to rest
Did I allow myself to think
The first time you hit me
I’d just gotten home
I saw you’d been drinking alone
My ex boyfriend tried to call
And instead of hearing me out
Your hands shoved me back
And I took the fall
And I thought, “that’s strange behavior.”
You begged and you promised
It would never happen again
It was an accident, you swore
I kissed your head
I cleaned up the blood
And only after you’d fled
Did I allow my hand to feel sore
The first time you tried to force me
I’d thought nothing at all was wrong
You were in the kitchen with dinner
And you danced to our favorite song
You came to my side
Put a hand down on my thigh
And gave me that sweet, sexy smile
But I’d been tired from work
So I picked up my fork
And said, “Maybe in a little while.”
Well your mouth formed a line
And you strode towards me
I don’t know what was in your head
But warnings were in mine
To be honest, after that it all went black
But when I came back
We were laying in our bed
And I thought, “that’s strange behavior.”
Well you’d had your fun
I let you lay down
While I tried not to think
And only after you’d fallen asleep
Did I allow myself to run